A father thought his nine year old son needed some toughening up. After striking out to end the game, the boy rushed to their car and cried like a baby for twenty minutes. The embarrassed dad would put an end to such behavior. He waited until they returned home and then, in what used to be the comfort of the boy’s room, unleashed a verbal tirade that was like a sledgehammer to his son’s head. He could have chosen words more wisely that would have helped the player recover from his embarrassment. That just wasn’t his style. The frustrated dad certainly never received any better treatment from his father who was also his coach. For decades, some parents and coaches have paid scant attention to the impact that sledgehammer language can have on developing brains. Young Philip retreated to the basement for the weekend, hardly ate, and wanted nothing to do with anyone. Sledgehammer language bruises the psyche and punctures the heart. It does the exact opposite of toughening up the child/player. It can make them retreat nside and begin constructing an impenetrable cocoon to ward off the next attack. The on field by-product….fear of failure and the associated tension that can diminish once free flowing athletic skills. So use wisdom with your choice of words. It’s far better to speak softly (like a pillow) to a wounded athlete. They just might get over the strike out quicker and their brain will make long lasting connections of resilience that last a lifetime. Bruised brains recoil like someone being snapped with a towel in the locker room. Pillow talk is not just for lovers and little children. It’s the soothing salve that heals the wounds that developing brains desperately need.
** Philip eventually recovered and repaired his wounded psyche. He graduated with honors from The University of Denver’s Daniels School of Business. Now an inventor and entrepreneur, he has created and sold thousands of bedside buttons that kids can press when the sledgehammer language begins. Within minutes, concerned neighbors arrive before the child’s soul is hijacked. In 2015, his firm patented a remote button that young athletes affix to their jerseys that can be activated when coaches go off on young players. It notifies people on their cellphones that an incident is about to occur. One of his proudest moments was at a summer baseball game in Arvada when he witnessed sixty parents arrive from adjacent fields to extinguish an enraged coach’s diatribe when his twelve year old team lost a playoff game. Philip said the coach immediately put down the sledgehammer…..apologized…..and vowed to take a class on anger management. When interviewed on a local TV show, Philip revealed that the idea came to him in a dream one night after seeing an Amber Alert on his cellphone.
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